obsessive-compulsiveness

Now I go on to criticize myself.

The above--or below, rather--is about the shortest thing I have ever written. This is a good thing, because I usually just go on and on and on. I can never just leave something I've written alone; I can never just toss something off. (I changed to "have ever written" from "ever wrote" above. Not sure why. Always checking, changing, going back.) But: It sounds too trying-hard-to-be-literary and, and is therefore pretentious. Phony. Also: I had to spell check "tomatoes".

I used to win every spelling bee in my grammar school. My brain is not what it once was. Wah, wah, wah. (This is my favorite sound bite from the Howard Stern show. Robin will report some hideous, appalling news story; there will be a few seconds of either respectful silence or tch-tching at the horribleness of said story; then, you hear Artie : " Wah Wah Wah. I have no legs", if, for example, the story was about a man losing his legs.)

I have one breast.

Wah, wah, wah.